The Bible Sherpa

The Top Seven Love Lies of the World (cont.)

Debunking the most common myths about love and marriage & searching for the reality of true love

Definitely not the Greatest Love of All

 

 It’s Valentine’s Day and the Bible Sherpa is back with a special holiday treat. Think of this blog post like a conversation heart - a really big one with a whole bunch of words. Okay, that didn’t even make sense. Let’s get to the point, shall we. Today we are up to number five in the big countdown.  Drumroll please…

Love Lie #5: You Can’t Love Someone Else Until You Learn to Love Yourself (aka the Importance of Self Esteem)

The Idea: You cannot truly learn to love others until you first learn to love yourself. Generally, this is presented as a self esteem issue. Basically they tell you that you must first feel good about yourself before you can show any real care for others. 

The Source: This one is rooted in modern psychology, which puts a major emphasis on self image and self esteem. I heard this idea repeatedly from my elementary school teachers. The idea has found it’s way into pop-culture as well, to the point that it has become a generally accepted idea in America’s cultural understanding. (You may also remember this lie from a song that I sang at my sixth grade graduation - see the Top 7 most ridiculous love songs post for details).

The Verdict: While low self esteem will affect your relationships with others, a high self esteem is not the solution. Whether it is low or high, self-esteem is still self-centered. True love is others-centered (you may notice this is becoming a common thread here in our love lie countdown). The kind of esteem you really need is God-esteem - to see yourself through God’s eyes. 

The Bible:  “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money…lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God” - 2nd Timothy 3:1-4 NIV

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.” - Philippians 2:3 NLT (also translated “esteem others higher than yourself”)

“Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.” - Romans 12:3b NLT

The Truth: The premise behind love lie #5 is true: if you don’t feel good about yourself, you will probably have trouble being nice to others. According to the worldly lie, however, you can solve this problem by learning to love yourself. Not a good idea. That only puts more focus on you. You already spend enough time thinking about yourself, you don’t need more. The verse in 2nd Timothy 3 (above) tells us that the last days will be full of people who love themselves - and it is definitely not a good thing. 

The Real Solution: When it comes to your love, the Bible calls you to focus on two things: love for God and love for others. On the other side of the coin, the love that you need to receive does not come from yourself - it comes from God. He already loves you, you just need to open your eyes to see just how much. 

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” - Ephesians 3:17-19

When you really grasp just how your Creator sees you, and just how much He loves you - then love for others will come naturally to you. Basically it works like this: God pours love into us, and we pass it on to others. If you feel lousy about yourself - about your looks or your life - don’t try to build yourself up about how great you are. That just leads to pride, and that’s ugly no matter how you look on the outside. Romans 12:3 (above) calls us to be honest and sober when we evaluate ourselves, with a healthy dose of humilty. We are who we are - strengths and weaknesses, beauty and blemishes. If you want to feel good about yourself, ask God to show you how He sees you. He created you, made you exactly the way He wants you, and has a great plan for you. Jesus sees you just as you are, and He still believes that you are worth dying for!  Not only that, He sees much more than who you are now - He sees who you are going to be.

“…the most important and effective ingredient of a healthy self-concept is to know Him, His love, and His fellowship” – from Josh McDowell’s Handbook on Counseling Youth

Remember.. 

It’s not about self-esteem, but esteeming others higher than you. Then God will esteem you highly. (James 4:10)

It’s not about self-image, but knowing that you are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27)

It’s not about self-confidence, but confidence that God will complete his good work in you (Philippians 1:6)

It’s not about self-love, but love for God and love for others; and knowing the incredible love that Jesus has for you (Ephesians 3:19).

That’s it for Love Lie #5. I hope and pray that you are growing in love and giving more love and you learn to tell the truth from lies. I remembered a great verse that really captures my hopes for you as I write this series:

“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight” - Philippians 1:9.

Isn’t that awesome?! Keep on loving, and keep on seeking after the knowledge of that amazing gift that we call true love!

Always in the unfailing love of Christ, 

 - Pastor Kris  ( 8-D=