Let’s face it, some people just love cheese. Some of the most famous love songs of all time are just plain cheesy. Or even if the song isn’t cheesy, the lyrics are ridiculous. So, as a bonus edition in our series on love, I decided to do something totally for the fun of it. In our main series, we’re covering the top 7 all time love lies. But for today, let’s take on ….
THE TOP SEVEN MOST RIDICULOUS LOVE SONGS OF ALL TIME
I’ll start off with a few of my nominations, then it’s up to you. Send in your comments with your choices. Either choose some of mine, or pick your own.
Mmmmm.... cheese.
You’ll probably notice that most of my songs are from the eighties. That is partly because the eighties were full of amazingly cheesy love songs, but mostly because that’s when I grew up. What that really means is that I need your help! Send in your suggestions from any decade. I’ll put them together and come up with the top ten all time. For now, here are my nominations…. (Drum roll, please)…
Nominee #1 Love is a Battlefield by Pat Benetar
The intro is classic, “We are young. Heartache to heartache, we stand. No promises. No demands. Love is a battlefield.” WHAT?!?!? I honestly don’t have a clue what this song is about. But I still love it. I like to write the lyrics on wedding cards for young couples, just to sound profound. Come to think of it, I think I’ll call up Magic 104 and dedicate this song to my lovely Andrea right now… We are strong! No one can tell us we’re wroooong. Searching our hearts for so looo-ooooo-oooo-oooong. Love is a battlefield.
Nominee #2 The Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston
When I graduated from elementary school in 1986, every sixth grade kid in the country was learning to sing this song for their promotion ceremony. “I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way.” Sounds nice enough, doesn’t it? But wait until you get to the magnificent conclusion of the song: “Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all.” WHAT?!?!? Did Satan write this song? Honestly. We already love ourselves (Ephesians 5:29). Lack of self-love is not the problem. Even for those who have issues of low self esteem, it is still self focused. High self esteem is not the solution, because it is still centered on self. Love is others centered. The kind of esteem you need is God esteem – to know how much God loves you (Ephesians 3:18). Focus on God’s love for you and your love for others (John 13:34). Okay, enough soap box – I’ll save the details of my opinion about this one for Love Lie #5. Nonetheless, the lesson is clear: never take love advice from Whitney Houston. (If you’re reading this Whitney – sorry for that comment. However, the song is sung well, but the lyrics are just wrong. God loves you SO much. The love of Jesus – that is truly the greatest love of all. If only you could see just how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ!).
Nominee #3 Every Breath You Take by the Police.
Okay, so I’ll admit that the song sounds awesome. Come on – it’s the Police. But if you pay attention to the lyrics, it’s just creepy. What is going on there? Hello, obsessive. If your man dedicates this one to you on ‘love songs on the Coast’, it’s time to run girl.
Nominee #4 The theme song from “The Love Boat”
Sing it with me! “Love…exciting and new…come aboard…we’re expecting you…THE LOVE BOAT!” This was my mom’s favorite show when I was a kid. Who knows how many mixed up romantic notions of love were planted in my poor little pre-adolescent mind after listening to that catchy little tune.
Nominee #5 Faithfully by Journey
Okay, hear me out on this one. I’m a big fan of Journey, and this is a great song. Journey’s Greatest Hits album is one of the all time best road trip CDs. However, I listened to it recently and I noticed something. The song Faithfully – which is a powerful cry of dedication and lifelong commitment – is immediately followed by the song I’ll Be Alright Without You. Think about that for a second. What’s the deal here?!?! What happened to “I’m forever yours – faithfully”? This is one of the many love songs that is great on its own but is made ridiculous because the sentiments are not real. Steve Perry can belt it, there’s no question about that. He is an amazing singer. However, he’s not married. Who is he singing to? Perhaps it’s for Sherri (Shoulda been goooone). I don’t know. What I do know is that I was heartbroken when I – as a naive music loving teenager – first discovered that most of the great rock ballads that I loved were sung by sleezy rock stars who were about as faithful as the lifetime alignment warrantee I got from the Montgomery Ward Auto Center (they went bankrupt years ago – the whole building is falling apart, but the sign on the marquis still reads, “Home of the lifetime warrantee alignment”). Wow, that was a long sentence. Oh well – here’s a better sentence: “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth” – 1st John 3:18. So I dedicate this nomination to all those love songs that are nothing more than “words or tongue.” Now on to the next nominee!
Nominee #6 Laser Ray of Love by Kris Langham and Paul Taneda
That’s right – that’s my name up there. I couldn’t just point the finger at everyone else for writing cheesy love songs. Back in the day – somewhere abouts the 5th grade or so – my best friend Paul and I decided we’d make a band and write some songs. This song was so catchy that I still remember the lyrics about 25 years later. It went something like this, “I saw a dragon – the other day. I saw a dragon in the month of may. I saw a dragon with a laser ray – of looooooove.” Wow, that was an amazing song! If it wasn’t clear to you, the word dragon was supposed to be a reference to a pretty girl. A girl who – well, she just happened to have a laser ray of love. I thought it sounded romantic at the time. Okay, so we were in elementary school. I do recall that we had some delusions of grandeur, though. Somehow we found out that a friend of my mom had made an acquaintance with the guy who wrote What’s Love Got to Do With It. We figured that if we could just figure out how to get him a tape with our songs on it, we’d have it made. I guess some things just weren’t meant to be. (If you liked Laser Ray, wait ’til you hear our biggest hit, We Are the Gobots. That one rocked.)
Nominee #7 What Is Love? by Haddaway
What is love? Baby don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me … no more. Ummmm… what? I would try to dig into this one a little deeper, but that’s pretty much all the lyrics. Oh well. Enough of my ideas – it’s time for your nominations!
That’s all from me. Post a comment with your nominations, and I’ll compile a list of the top seven all time. Nominations and votes are due by Valentine’s Day, February 14th. And don’t forget to stay tuned for the rest of the Love Lies countdown!
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Always in the unfailing love of Christ,
- Pastor Kris ( 8-D=
i nominate #2, The Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston =)
I would not to officially nominate “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That),” by Meat Loaf.
First of all, it’s by Meat Loaf. That should be enough cheese for any cheesy song list. The list could be “The Cheesiest Songs About 1970’s Hair,” and I’m sure Meat Loaf has a song that would qualify. But THIS song, well, is 12 minutes of classic Meat Loaf, singing…
* “But I’ll never forget the way you feel right now …”
* “But I’ll never forgive myself if we don’t go all the way tonight …”
* “But I’ll never do it better than I do it with you …”
* “But I’ll never stop dreaming of you every night of my life …”
How romantic. How VERY romantic. How this song was the number one hit in the US for 5 weeks baffles the mind.
However, Dr. Pepper’s commercial with this song – Classic.
You’ve got a point there Jonathan. When it comes to ridiculous love songs, it is hard to beat Meat Loaf. “I want you, I need you, but there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love you. But don’t feel bad… two out of three ain’t bad.” Oh man, I feel bad for teens in the seventies. How on earth did they survive?
I just watched the Dr. Pepper ad. That was hilarious. I can’t believe I never saw that before.
Well since we are talking about love lies…”I’ll make love to you” by Boyz II Men is a good example of a guy who throws out the love bait, but then only wants a physical relationship. He says “let’s go slow” but then tells her to take off her clothes. Talk about a trap! I was never aloud to listen to this song so I always remember it as being “bad”. We used to change the lyrics to I’ll make chicken soup, like you want me to, I’ll cook it right baby all through the night! =)
My 2 year old loves the song by Biz Markie…Just a Friend. On one hand he’s mad at her for cheating on him, but on the other hand he tells her “You’ve got what I need”.
“I’ll make chicken soup,” huh? Christian kids are awesome :]. Biz Markie is an excellent nomination. Definitely in the running. – Kris
This totally made laugh! And sadly… it’s true!
<3 autumn
Okay, I got so excited about my contribution to your list that I burnt my batch of popcorn ):
i nominate “Into the Night” by Benny Mardones. That song just creeps me out. And it astounds me that people aren’t creeped out by that song. Let me throw some lycirs at you:
She’s just sixteen years old
Leave her alone, they said
Separated by fools
Who don’t know what love is yet
But I want you to know
If I could fly, I’d pick you up
I’d take you into the night
And show you a love
Like you’ve never seen, ever seen
Terrible, terrible, terrible!
Adrienne
Not lycirs (what is that anyway? LYRICS….ahhh…that’s better
Oh…I give up on my punctuation
Wow – that’s disturbing. So we have two important lessons so far. Whitney Houston is not a trustworthy source of love advice, and Benny Mardones is a creep.
Some additional nominees: REO Speedwagon – “Keep on Loving You”
Check the lyrics, it sounds like he’s a husband on one of those Lifetime movies:
You should’ve known by the tone of my voice, maybe
But you didn’t listen
You played dead
But you never bled
Bonnie Tyler – “Total Eclipse of the Heart”
What?!?! What does an eclipse of a heart look like, exactly?
The Turtles – “Happy Together”
Watch how quickly this relationship deteriorates…
It goes from complete joy with just being together – to simply talking about the weather – in the length of one song.
[...] (You may also remember this lie from a song that I sang at my sixth grade graduation – see the Top 7 most ridiculous love songs post for [...]
[...] The Source: This lovely romantic notion was made popular by Tom Cruise in the nineties box office hit, Jerry McGuire. However, the idea has been around for ages. You can trace this all the way back to the day God took a rib out of Adam’s chest to make a bride for him. When a husband and a wife come together, the Bible says that they make one flesh. So this “you complete me” idea makes a lot of sense. After all, the feeling of loneliness can be an awful lot like having a hole in your heart (does anyone besides me remember the Cyndi Lauper song, There’s a Hole In My Heart that Goes All the Way to China? Boy was that an oversight in the ridiculous love song countdown!) [...]