The Top Seven Love Lies of the World

Debunking the most common myths about love and marriage & searching for the reality of true love

Love Lie #4: You Complete Me

After a short hiatus, we are back on the love lie countdown. We are up to number four. Once again I want to remind you that the love lies on this countdown are not all 100% lie. In fact, I would say that today’s idea is mostly true. It even has some Biblical backing to it. Let’s take a look…

The Idea: Every man and woman is somehow incomplete inside, and needs that one magical person to make them whole again. 

The Source: This lovely romantic notion was made popular by Tom Cruise in the nineties box office hit, Jerry McGuire. However, the idea has been around for ages. You can trace this all the way back to the day God took a rib out of Adam’s chest to make a bride for him. When a husband and a wife come together, the Bible says that they make one flesh. So this “you complete me” idea makes a lot of sense. After all, the feeling of loneliness can be an awful lot like having a hole in your heart (does anyone besides me remember the Cyndi Lauper song, There’s a Hole In My Heart that Goes All the Way to China? Boy was that an oversight in the ridiculous love song countdown!)

The Verdict: I’d say this one is partially true, but it’s missing something (sort of like our hearts). Finding your one true love does fill a void inside – but it’s just not enough. You’re still not quite whole.

The Bible:  “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men, yet no man can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” – Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV, emphasis added).

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy.” - Ephesians 5:25-26 (NIV, emphasis added)

The Truth: Yes, it is true that when bride and groom come together, they become one. Yes, it is true that finding that one magical person can make that empty feeling in your heart go away – but not completely. As I said, this one is mostly true. The problem is that every one of us is missing too much for any other person to fill, no matter how magical they are. I know this from personal experience (see My Story below). Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that God took the trouble to set eternity in each of our hearts. Now that’s a big hole! In fact,it is a God shaped hole. Only God can fill the true void in your heart. Only Jesus can make us whole (and only in the English language can the word hole and the word whole mean such wholly different things). 

That brings me to one of the most important words in the english language: holy. Sadly, it has largely lost its meaning for most of us. Holy has two essential meanings that work together. Holy means 1) whole or complete; and 2) set apart for a special purpose. Jesus gave up His life to make us holy (Ephesians 5:26 & Hebrews 13:12). He set us apart for a special purpose, and only He can make us complete.  

My Story: I am quite familiar with the feeling of a hole in the heart. It was my constant companion for several lonely years. Oh I had good friends and good family, but I just knew I was missing something.  For years I thought, “If I just met the right girl, everything would be okay.” Well, at long last, I met her (more…)

The Top Seven Love Lies of the World (cont.)

Debunking the most common myths about love and marriage & searching for the reality of true love

Definitely not the Greatest Love of All

 

 It’s Valentine’s Day and the Bible Sherpa is back with a special holiday treat. Think of this blog post like a conversation heart – a really big one with a whole bunch of words. Okay, that didn’t even make sense. Let’s get to the point, shall we. Today we are up to number five in the big countdown.  Drumroll please…

Love Lie #5: You Can’t Love Someone Else Until You Learn to Love Yourself (aka the Importance of Self Esteem)

The Idea: You cannot truly learn to love others until you first learn to love yourself. Generally, this is presented as a self esteem issue. Basically they tell you that you must first feel good about yourself before you can show any real care for others. 

The Source: This one is rooted in modern psychology, which puts a major emphasis on self image and self esteem. I heard this idea repeatedly from my elementary school teachers. The idea has found it’s way into pop-culture as well, to the point that it has become a generally accepted idea in America’s cultural understanding. (You may also remember this lie from a song that I sang at my sixth grade graduation – see the Top 7 most ridiculous love songs post for details).

The Verdict: While low self esteem will affect your relationships with others, a high self esteem is not the solution. Whether it is low or high, self-esteem is still self-centered. True love is others-centered (you may notice this is becoming a common thread here in our love lie countdown). The kind of esteem you really need is God-esteem – to see yourself through God’s eyes. 

The Bible:  “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money…lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God” – 2nd Timothy 3:1-4 NIV

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.” - Philippians 2:3 NLT (also translated “esteem others higher than yourself”)

“Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.” – Romans 12:3b NLT

The Truth: The premise behind love lie #5 is true: if you don’t feel good about yourself, you will probably have trouble being nice to others. According to the worldly lie, however, you can solve this problem by learning to love yourself. Not a good idea. That only puts more focus on you. You already spend enough time thinking about yourself, you don’t need more. The verse in 2nd Timothy 3 (above) tells us that the last days will be full of people who love themselves – and it is definitely not a good thing. 

The Real Solution: When it comes to your love, the Bible calls you to focus on two things: (more…)

The Top Seven Love Lies of the World

Debunking the myths about love & marriage. Searching for the reality of true love

Love Lie #6: Get Married Because You’re In Love

Step 1 & Step 2

Welcome back to the Bible Sherpa. Valentine’s Day is getting closer and we are at love lie number six in the big countdown. Today’s lie may surprise you. Keep in mind that the most effective lies are not 100% lie – they are truth mixed with lie. Let’s see what today’s lie has in store for us.

THE IDEA: One should marry the person they are in love with.

THE SOURCE: About a million books and movies, from Aladdin to Shrek (and just about every other movie that involves a princess), extols the importance of marrying the one you love. Apparently the arranged marriage thing is the bane of the princess’ lifestyle. 

THE VERDICT: This is not so much a lie as it is twisted truth. It is true that love and marriage should be inextricably connected. However, the world has set that connection in reverse. The idea of marrying for love is just fine up through your wedding day. But that only gives you instructions for one day. What should you do after that?

THE BIBLE:  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” – Ephesians 5:25 

“Then they (the older women) can train the younger women to love their husbands and children.” – Titus 2:4 

THE TRUTH: The world says marry because you are in love. The Bible says love because you are in marriage. The world has it backwards. According to the world, you get married because you’re in love. By that way of thinking, love is a condition and marriage is a choice. While that may work just fine on the wedding day, what really matters happens after the wedding – and every day for the rest of your life. God says give love because you’re in marriage. Marriage is the condition; love is the choice. 

THE REAL LIE: The real lie in this idea is hidden. It is tucked away in the unspoken next step: what happens when a couple is married, but no longer in love? They get un-married of course. Bad idea. Go back to the Word of God and you’ll find His design.

THE DETAILS: As you can see, this idea is closely tied with love lie #7 (falling in and out of love). If you haven’t read that one yet, you might want to go back and read that first. If you have read it, let’s dig into this one a little deeper…  

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Debunking the Most Common Myths about Love and Marriage

In honor of Valentine’s day, I propose a question: Do you believe in true love?

That’s a tough question for some. I guess it depends on what you mean by “true.” It also depends on what sort of love you’re talking about. For now, lets say we’re talking about the romantic sort. Is there a real deal when it comes to love and marriage?  A lot of folks would say that it just doesn’t exist. At least, they’ve never seen it in real life. They write off true love as the invention of the clever folks at the greeting card companies – or maybe the people who make those little conversation heart candies. God knows they make a pretty penny off of our silly romantic notions this time of year.  

Kris & Andrea circa 2001. Was it the real thing - or did she just love me for my hair?

On the other hand, there seems to be something inside of us that just longs for true love. We feel like there just has to be something to this idea. Why else would so many people spend their hard earned money on absurdly cheesy romantic comedies?  What are we all watching for? Are we searching for some hint of the real thing? And if we’re all searching for it, why is it so hard to find?

The Opposite of True  Perhaps the real problem is lies – love lies. If there is such a thing as true love, then it is by its very nature true. What is the enemy of truth? Lies, of course. When it comes to love, (more…)